Sunday, February 25, 2007

Vending Machines

The last entry reminded me of my first great business idea. As a child, I was always excited to see vending machines. They were the first step towards making America fat. I couldn’t wait until the day when I could go to Junior High and use the vending machines WHENEVER I WANTED.

That day came. And went.

And I never really got into buying the candy. I think it’s the tightwad in me that doesn’t want to spend twice as much for a candy bar than I could get it in a store. And besides, the candy is always smaller or not as good as you picture it in your mouth when you’re salivating against the glass. There’s always a disappointment factor.

So I had an idea. Why not make a machine with one type of candy bar? A huge candy bar. I mean, the MOTHER of all fat inducing and obesity causing chocolate warriors. There’s no way you could get dissatisfied with that after purchase. People would buy it in droves. Of course, it would cost more, maybe a couple dollars, but it would be worth it.

Except my machine wouldn’t actually dispense the candy bar. Like all other vending machines, it would manage to skewer the bar on the steel turny thing. And it would hang there, taunting you. You could keep coaxing, kicking and pleading, but it won’t drop. In fact, a little receipt will print out, with the text something like this: “You’ve been had by Chris Perry! Have a nice day!!”

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