Wednesday, March 12, 2008


facebook is a utility designed to inform you of how many friends you don't have. of the friends you do have, it shows you how not close you are, by giving you helpful notices of how close they are with most other people.

actually, those notices don't really tell you anything, because facebook is the domain of overzealous friendship. mere acquaintances are listed as friends. close friends are brothers. roommates are married. someone who you met briefly is pummeling you with chickens, pillows, flying spaghetti and whatnot.

as if being friends weren't enough, these people also want you to join groups. suddenly, you can't determine your vote preference by yourself, you have to join "1,000,000 strong for Ralph Nader". and any side interest someone may assume you have becomes a group invitation which forces you to formally endorse your interest, or join the denizens of the damned as one who "refused" to stand up with the forces of right.

even with all of those over-hyped, overzealous relationships, the cold shell of facebook remains--a "social" utility to disguise your unsociability. no matter how many chickens you throw, no matter how many groups you join, the cold fact remains: you just don't have two hundred friends. now go write on somebody's wall. preferably something that doesn't visually display your lack of closeness.

facebook is also a utility for public humiliation.

1 comment:

jeremiah said...

hey chris, can we be friends? poke poke. i'm poking you. pokums. and i'm writing on your wall. wall wall wall. wall-to-wall. i'm also sending you a request to play scrabulous. please play with me.