Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Olympics

The Olympics are a medium whereby genetically superior beings may showcase to genetically inferior beings their supreme superiority. This is accomplished through a variety of "sports", which include ribbon-dancing, team handball, synchronized swimming, synchronized diving, synchronized boxing*, and skinny-mostly-naked-girls-running-on-sand.

It also includes trampoline, though, as my friend Justin pointed out, "I'm more perplexed that they have trampoline as an Olympic sport...I picture the people in that 'sport' as being the leftover rejects that were never good enough to make the real gymnastics team".

Before I get hate comments from trampoliners, let me reiterate the fact that the Olympics are a medium whereby genetically superior beings assert their superiority over me.

However, there is one catch to the whole equation, which is this: the genetically inferior beings don't really catch on that these events are meant to showcase their inferiority. I, for example, sit on my couch eating potato chips, and laugh at people who run the 100 meters in 9.8 seconds:

"Man, that dude is SLLLLLOOOOOWWWW! What a pansy! Sissy! You got owned!"

All while not being capable of lumbering the 1 meter in 9.8 seconds.

Therefore, a more complete definition of the Olympics is as follows:

The Olympics are a medium whereby genetically superior beings may attempt to showcase to genetically inferior beings their superiority but are unable to do so, mainly through abject self-deception on the part of the inferiors.

*I lied about synchronized boxing, but I really think that should be the next Olympic sport.

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