Wednesday, November 5, 2008

parking lots

Parking lots bring out the anal retentiveness in all of us.

Upon arriving in a parking lot, all of humanity collectively lose their ability to run any sort of cost-benefit analysis. The nearest parking space must be found and parked in AT ALL COSTS.

It is not uncommon to find several perfectly reasonable parking spots within a thirty second walk of your destination, but no matter how many spots are available, there will always be a mass of flies crowding around the front, all hopelessly searching for the closest spot. Only one can gain the prize. Then, like Jon Stewart winning an emmy, the victorious parker strolls out of his car, smirking at the hapless many who are forced to (gasp!) park further out.

This impulse and urge is only overcome when the scouter sees another moving object.

Like sharks trailing dying cows in water, some people find it necessary to trail anyone walking anywhere in a parking lot. Looking out across any parking lot, you'll typically find a car following every single moving object, including unsecured grocery carts and tumbleweeds.

Worse, still, are those who are afflicted with the completely opposite pathological condition: to park as far away from everyone else as possible. These poor souls will usually be found lurking at the fringes of the parking lot, parking at a much faster rate than their doomed cousins, then walking the mile or so to the destination, smug in the assurance of their superiority. They pride themselves on the amount of time they saved while not running the rat race to get the front spot, and live out their lives completely unaware as to why people stopped getting rides from them to places.

(but if they knew, they'd be even more smugly happy at the sliver of gas they saved from not having the extra load in their car)

(they're mostly crazy)

(I'm in no way implicating myself)

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