Sunday, December 7, 2008

bachelorhood

Bachelorhood is another way of saying living dirty.

Some people have misconceived notions of bachelorhood. They envision penthouse apartments filled with adoring womenfolk, immaculate dinners of porterhouse steak and fine...uh...grape juice, or nonstop football and pizza.

The only piece of that puzzle which is correct is the nonstop football. Pizza sometimes, yes, peanut butter always, yes. Peanut butter + pizza = crazy delicious*.

As part of my bachelorhoodiness, the other day I bo
ught some bleaueueaeue cheese and decided to sit in my chateaueueaeue eating cheese and crackers. Fortunately, I had purchased a large amount of crackers on a previous Costco run (Costco will bless your bachelorhoodiness in ways you can't even comprehend), and so I decided to work on those crackers.

I sat, nonchalant, eating my crackers and cheese and reading the Economist, feeling ever-so-brilliant, when one of the crackers caught my eye. I had been stuffing them in my mouth in a very bachelor sort of way, but for some reason I looked at what I was about to eat, and saw a cobweb trailing down. Cobwebs are very much a part of bachelorhood, but typically in other scenarios, like on your ceiling, or over the license plate of your car
(I have no idea how that got there), but not usually in FOOD YOU'RE EATING.

On closer inspection, I notice something drop from the end of the cracker. Yes, that would be some form of larva.

You'll notice the cracker on the top, the cheese at the bottom, some leftover Trader Joe's Pasta Medley in the middle, and Mr. Larva on the left.

Yes, that is disgusting beyond belief, and I spent the next few minutes trying to hold down my food.

So, to recap, bachelorhood is all about discovering these sorts of uncomfortable creatures and experiences.

* I'm totally, totally kidding. Peanut butter pizza sounds utterly disgusting. Almost as bad as
bleaueueaeue cheese larva.

2 comments:

Jerkolas said...

Just melt some cheese on it (another staple of real bachelor cooking) and I am sure it will be fine.

MommaMcCarthy said...

i'm sorry to comment so much. i can't help it. i'm a commenter.

i used to chastise jay for only eating cheese and crackers for dinner before we were married. sometimes when he was feeling really exotic/nutritious, he'd also throw in a pear.

oh, and the larva? reminds me of those HORRID little caterpillars that INVADE campus come spring. who do they think they are? hangin' from all the trees like that... gives me the willies!