Sunday, January 11, 2009

golden globes, oscars, emmys, etc.

Throughout the course of your life, you'll notice a variety of award shows emanating from Hollywood. These all follow a similar format: roll out a red carpet, bring all the currently cool people, allow in a few cool people from ages past so they feel better about themselves, and get someone (or a series of someones) who are close to being cool (yet not cool enough to get an actual award) to say funny things and give out some sort of physical trophy so that the awardee can put it on her or his mantle and point it out to grandchildren when he or she is no longer cool, as a reminder of how cool she or he was.

I've got no problem with this. Many occupations and organizations have awards they present, though more common is a certification program which is similar in inflated titleness--my personal favorite of all certifications is that of six-sigma black belt, a ridiculously named certification for quality engineers. Seriously. Black belt? Engineers dream about having black belts to stop the physical pain inflicted on them as youths, but going as far as to make your own black belt which requires absolutely no physical exertion? Please.

I digress.

It's cool that Hollywood gives out awards, but why do they force the rest of the nation to watch them do it? You don't see the American Dental Association rolling out red carpet and presenting awards on national television to excellent toothbrush designs. No. They do that in the privacy of their own dental chairs, or wherever it is dentists meet.

But no. Hollywood feels it necessary to first broadcast their work around the nation, then, having done their job, need to pat themselves on the back and broadcast it around the nation.

Actually, it doesn't bother me that much. But my roommates and I back in college decided we were going to host the Apartment 38 awards, and broadcast them across the nation as a show of defiance.

We really didn't have the resources to do that at the time.

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