Tuesday, February 24, 2009


No other household appliance inspires so much contention as does the simple dishwasher.

That is, the machine kind. The father of a buddy of mine used to brag about how he had four dishwashers...

There are several different strategies in placing items in a dishwasher. Some people go to great pains to keep things organized, and some people go to great pains to keep things random, as if entropy were somehow helpful in the cleansing process.

It is a general rule, however, that your roommates will fill the dishwasher full of items which have shards of food chemically fused to the ceramics of the dish, and expect the dishwasher gods to magically unbind the food through a combination of chemistry, nuclear physics, and devil worshipping.

Pre-cleaning a dish is generally unfamiliar to the male community.

All of this can be overcome. Dishes can be cycled through endless numbers of washes until the offending bits of food have been removed (I have bowls which have spent the better portion of my adulthood in the dishwasher). The amount of entropy probably won't hurt that much, especially after repeated washings. Annoying, yes, but these things are not a big deal in the long run.

However, there is one crucial, cruel practice which DOES matter.

Which direction are your knives?

The dishwasher is a sanctuary, a holy place where cleansing happens. Peace and love surrounds it. It is not to be confused with a common butcher shop. Why have we taken this asylum, and sullied its immaculate image? Please, please, I beg of all of you, stop facing the knives up. My blood has stained the faces of a thousand dishes, my fingers marked from endless unfriendly pokes, my tears lay on the sad stained hardwood of a dozen floors.

Let us choose non-violence. Let the suffering end.


Jerkolas said...

It is amazing and disappointing to me how annoying my roommates' lack of dishwashing ability frustrates me.

Jess said...

Thank you Chris Perry! Knifes should always be face down...how are there so many uneducated people out there?

MommaMcCarthy said...

Clearly, your roommates just love their knives more than you. It's a choice we all have to make: do we want to dull our knives by putting them point down?

I personally, sacrifice my own well-being to keep my knives in good working order. There's nothing worse (or more dangerous) than a kitchen full of dull knives.