Wednesday, February 4, 2009

facial hair

Men are obsessed with facial hair.

Put two men in a room, where one has more facial hair than the other, and invariably the subject will come up during the conversation. Men won't discuss anything of a personal nature with a stranger, and usually subjects revolve around sports or the weather or women, but if there's a facial hair discrepancy, they will delve into their history of hair, how long, how much, how fast it grows, why they grow it, their mother's reaction, etc. They will discuss facial hair longer than they are capable of debating energy policies.

Men are so open about their facial hair most likely because it's the last and only area in which they are undeniably better than women. Thus, discussing their ability to get a fuzzy face validates their masculinity (i.e., betterness than women). Previously, they were able to feel superior by shooting ducks or building fires, or cooking meat, but it turns out that there's no innate reason as to why they should be better at those activities than women. It was a sad realization when they had to retreat to their last palace of dominance: facial hair.

Should any woman attempt to prove me her inferior, I will likely run away crying and yelling about how I can grow a better beard. That being said, there are women who give men a run for their money, which is frightening for multiple reasons, not least because they are encroaching on our last sacred domain.

Among all men, the superiority of the man with the fastest-growing facial hair is a universally known and undisputed fact.

1 comment:

Jerkolas said...

And all men with a blog will unavoidably write about facial hair at some point and time. It just happens. See: