Friday, February 6, 2009

water bottle fountain hoggers

I dare you to try saying the title of this post five times quickly. If any indication of the difficulty, I originally titled it "wattle bottle fountain hoggers". This I changed, thankfully. I understand that "hogs" is probably more correct than "hoggers", but "hoggers" sounds so much better, and even more descriptive of my inner feelings on the subject.

In an increasingly violent world, I find myself in something of a bind. On one hand, I would love for the world to be at complete peace, and for paradise to consume humanity. On the other hand, whenever I get stuck at a water fountain behind someone filling up their gargantuan water bottle (or wattle bottle, as it were), I have a strong undeniable desire to punch them in the back of the head.

Mind you, I understand that they are just being efficient, and reusing containers to a good purpose, and just trying to drink water which is a noble goal in all, but for reasons unknown to me, I have an evolutionary reaction to having to wait three minutes to get a drink. In the wild I would most likely revert to the behavior of large crocodiles as they devour drinking zebras whole, except I would probably make it a far more painful experience should the zebra be carrying a water bottle. Thankfully, societal norms keep me in check.

In closing, without herein admitting guilt, I would like to apologize to the woman in front of me today filling her water bottle. I still maintain that the rock was flung by a passing jogger.

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