Wednesday, April 29, 2009

deficit spending

Deficit spending is what politicians do when they want to be popular. It's like the kid at lunch who used to steal your ho-ho and promise you something tomorrow...every day of the week...* I guess that analogy breaks down because he wasn't popular because he stole the ho-ho, he stole the ho-ho because he was popular. But I think you get the idea.

Growing up, it always really bothered me when I heard people talking on the news about how we were spending more than we were making in tax collections, and thus saddling our children with debt. I mean, that really chapped my hide. Here I was, an innocent (and supremely nerdy--have you ever met a ten year old concerned about the national debt?) child, and my parents were spending my inheritance! How dare they!

Just the other day I read a line saying something along the same vein, about how we're spending too much and our children will have to pay for it, yadda yadda yadda. My anger started boiling up until I realized--hey, I'm old enough to have children! THEY'RE going to have to pay for all of this!

I don't feel bad about that at all. Not one bit. I mean, they're getting the flying cars, the trips to the moon, the iPhone head implants, and the jars with pre-mixed peanut butter, honey, and bread, and here I am slogging around with a laptop that weighs three pounds. THREE pounds people. My back is starting to consider possibly hurting sometime in my eighties just thinking about it. But when my back does start hurting, you bet I'm going to be voting that national debt up to saddle me in that anti-gravity chair.

So bring on the pork people (just not the pork pandemic). There's only so much time I have left before I possibly maybe have children, and then saddle them with debt. And if not, I'm saddling YOUR children with debt!! Even better!!

Universal healthcare? Bring it! Healthcare for the universe? Better! Star wars missile defense systems? Yes! Bridges to nowhere? Sure! Just make 'em wide enough so I can drive my fat ol' hummer** across.

This is how I learned to stop worrying and love the deficit.

*Just kidding, did you really think I got ho-hos for lunch? I got peanut butter and honey and bread. Every. Day. Of. Elementary. School.
**Don't get the wrong impression. MY hummer isn't a dirty polluting machine. It's green. Literally. That and it uses a sustainable power source--squirrels. Or any small cuddly animal. Feed them on in there, it chomps them up, and away you go.

1 comment:

jeremiah said...

You're exaggerating, there were days you had peanut butter and jam and bread. And then we would save our paper sack AND plastic baggies, which plastic baggies were then cleaned out with an incredibly clean washcloth and used the following day to hold peanut butter and jam/honey and bread.