you vs. you're

Apparently, judging by recent internet activity (YouTube comments*, blog posts, official statements made by heads of state), the entirety of humanity has lost the ability to distinguish between the two words your and you're. I'm completely confident that we are now in the midst of a your revolution, and will soon see one of those two words** succumb to the texting masses, and become an archaic expression like "forsooth", or "descant", or "abstinence".

So, in order to educate my esteemed friends of the younger generation***, I thought I'd take a few minutes to explain the difference, in the unlikely event you take history and are confronted by these two words.

Your explains possession. Example phrases would be:

• Your mom.
• Your dog bit my ankle and now I would like to have it killed and investigated for rabies, not because I fear rabies, but more because I dislike dogs.
• Your a dummy.

Actually, the last sentence is incorrect. In the event you use that sentence, the reverse is true: you're a dummy. Seeing the sentence "your a dummy" should be like nails on a chalkboard to your pompous soul.

You're is used when you are combining the concepts of "you", and "are". That is, you are explaining a quality someone else possesses. Examples are as follows:

• You're a dummy.
• You're never going to be able to jump over that ditch containing rancid sewage.****
• Your mom thinks you're never going to understand this concept because your brain has been turned to mush by your bad habits, but don't feel bad, she doesn't think you're a dummy like I do.

I realize your head may be spinning from that last one, but I'm going to push through to the crux of the lesson. The you/you're paradox allows for a very important test.

Do you believe you're genetically superior to people who incorrectly use your/you're?

If the answer is yes, you're pretentious. If the answer is no, you most likely use the pair incorrectly, and thus, as discussed above, your a dummy.

I'm not entirely certain which is worse.

*YouTube comments are the very lowest form of communication known to man, and for that reason, probably the most read. I could spend hours sifting through that drivel, chuckling all the way.
**So, let's pretend I'm not that smart for a minute. Talk to me like I'm a third grader. Is you're technically a word? Do contractions count as words? I'm humming conjunction junction to myself, but that doesn't mention anything about contractions...
***HAH! I barely have friends in MY generation, let alone the younger one.
****This was half true when it escaped my lips. He managed to clear it on all occasions but one.