Sunday, May 31, 2009

when nerds meet people

Nerds meeting people is a lot different than normal people meeting people. When normal people meet, they greet each other, exchange names, and make small talk about their location or background or the weather.

When nerds meet people, they feel an irrepressible urge to appear witty, and in following their evolved nerd-urges to appear witty, they come across as strange. I know this, because every time I meet someone I invariably make myself look like an idiot.

I believe I have already documented the occasion on which I met a girl named Mallory. I immediately had to reference the Mallory Gallery, a fictitious location which played a prominent role in a muppets movie. Not picking up on the fact that her nervous laughter was a sign of being weirded out, I pressed forward, asking her if she were an artist, and oh, she should have been an artist, because she could have built this gallery. Mallory, I apologize.

A couple weeks ago, I met a girl named Haley. I had to physically restrain my mouth from opening and asking her how she felt about having a comet named after her. I was then going to continue on, telling her how I had missed her since that last time I saw her over the Utah desert circa 1986. That I was able to refrain from such ridiculousness is proof to me of the existence of a supreme being.

Several weeks before that, I met a girl who is working as a physical aide. Feeling compelled to showcase my understanding of the intricacies of the English language, I asked her if she was an aide with an 'e', or without. Continuing by talking to myself, I deducted she was an aide with an 'e', as she wasn't an inanimate object. Note to girls I meet: declaring you an animate object is my highest form of flattery.

These are the sorts of conversations you can expect when meeting a nerd. The upside to nerds is that if you can get over the awkward introduction, you typically can learn something interesting, like the recent development of a cloaking device, or the products to be announced at the upcoming WWDC, or your weight in solar mass.

1 comment:

LRH said...

Looking up nerds in the guide to everything, it says:

nerds: mostly harmless