Tuesday, May 19, 2009

your hands will be dry...

I was in an airport this week, and I happened to stop by a restroom. I guess 'happened' isn't the correct word, since I always make a point of hitting up the local restrooms, as using the facilities on the plane is not the most pleasant of experiences. Last time I found myself in there the plane experienced a large amount of turbulence, which, well, made for some awkwardness which I will not discuss here, nor anywhere else in a sober state.

After washing my hands, I was then forced to choose between drying my hands on my shorts, with paper towels, or with a space-age blowing device. Naturally, since I was in SFO, I had to choose the non-tree-killing option, lest I be assaulted by the local populace.

I approached the device with some trepidation. As a child, I still remember my first encounters with blowers. It was a grand and glorious experience as I found I didn't have to wipe my hands with lousy towels, or try and find a smidgen of dry, non-bloody, non-snotty towel on those freakish rotating towels my elementary school carried*, but I could bask in the warming glow of clean moving air. I basked and I basked and I basked and I basked. And basked. As I'll tell my grandchildren** someday: Back when I was your age, our blowers took a half an hour!

This is not really an exaggeration. Efficient and clean and sanitary and comfortable, they are, but timely they are not. I could afford to sit around and pick my nose in heated air as a child, but in my old age, I need towels, so I have more time to pick my nose elsewhere.

The space-age device came with instructions (and a nifty website!), as well as a promise: Your hands will be dry in fifteen seconds.

The Airblade was pretty cool, because it focused its air into a blade, which reminds you of actual blades, and blades are nifty, because of sword blades, and roller blades, and now air blades. Except sword blades and roller blades are more for injuring hands rather than drying them.

Cool, yes. Were my hands dry in fifteen seconds? Yes, because I ended up using option a) using my shorts, and off I went. Better luck next time dryers.

Having come to the end of this post, I find it disappointingly anti-climactic. Let's recap what we have learned today:
  • Hand dryers are cool (in the socially cool sense, not in the literal sense)
  • Hand dryers are fun
  • Hand dryers aren't an interesting topic for a blog post
  • The only topic less interesting than Hand dryers is the preferred thickness of peanut butter on a pb&j***
*Oh, and the powder soap. Who designed those restrooms? The gestapo? Seriously.
**Assuming I ever have children, and assuming that they are not also so ridiculously nerdy that they are incapable of convincing a member of the opposite sex to spend more than five contiguous minutes with them.
***I may have just hit the bottom, because this was honestly the runner-up topic. I had this whole thing planned out where I'd make fun of my family and how they make pb&js by spreading the peanut butter to the thinnest possible consistency, and then I realized that is probably the most boring topic in the world. I therefore chose the second most boring topic in the world. Next week we progress to number three, a discussion on what puns nerds make when they meet people of differing names (feel free to submit names for pun-making).


Nettie said...

Ha! My mom spreads the pb thin as well (I think it's a Kelly thing). As soon as I started making my own pb sandwiches, out came the 1/2 inch thick spread!

drfindley said...

Thin peanut butter (or jelly for that matter) really is an atrocity. Please, let's not repeat this pattern of tastelessness. Give the bread some love.

Second of all, when given the option of a towel AND a hand dryer, I like to dry with a towel (you never seem to get enough) and then the dryer. You walk away with that warm happy feeling and perfectly dry hands. When left to with only a dryer even the most vigorous water-removing-hand-shake never is quite enough.

Jess said...

Name to begin with:


LRH said...

those space age blowing machines were really weird. I always think it's going to blow bacteria into my face..