Thursday, October 22, 2009


Copenhagen is the Capital of Denmark, a beautiful city sitting on a beautiful island, in the middle of a beautiful frozen wasteland1.

I flew to Copenhagen the other day, and after the usual hour or two of sheer anxiety and fear of failure of the Bernoulli principle, found myself approaching a terminal disguised as a quaint Scandinavian villa2. Disembarking the plane, I found myself walking through rooms of beautiful, simplistic couches, then some bedroom sets, and later on a sea of chairs, wicker baskets, and inexpensive tupperware. All of the items had large tags with strange-sounding names, like Enktorp, or Billy. Happy children wearing lederhosen skipped and yodeled through the winding terminal eating meatballs and one dollar hot dogs.

I eventually found a train that led to Copenhagen, which was in the throes of the fall fashion week3. I've checked a few papers, and I don't think the event has been widely publicized, but I'm pretty sure it's the only explanation for the ridiculous concentration of gorgeous women in the locale. Walking, biking, driving, I was surrounded by tall beautiful blondes for the entire week. I'd say something about how it's a good thing I'm single, and thus not worried about a jealous wife, but I don't think even the most jealous of women would turn even the slightest shade of green as they watched an army of supermodels ignore me in every possible way4.

Though everything is written in Danish, Denmark isn't the kind of place to get picky about language. You may be surprised when you realize everyone speaks English. The most striking example of this lies in 7-11, where, in a dramatic departure from their US business practices, all of their employees speak intelligible English.

In fairness, I think there are one or two people on the outer islands that don't speak English (or use indoor plumbing, for that matter), but other than them, you can be sure whoever it is that approaches you muttering jibberish is very capable of proofreading your College English papers. Unfortunately, you'd never ask them to, because they'd demand payment in kroner, which is Danish for "a currency you'll never use outside the five square miles that exist in our country".

But yeah, Copenhagen is a pretty sweet place. Take some time (ahem, during the summer), and enjoy the beautiful atmosphere. Yeah. Atmosphere.

1. I, of course, mean that in the best way possible. But when you need icebreakers to get into the harbor in the winter, I'm sorry, but you live in a frozen wasteland.
2. The terminal, that is. I was disguised as someone who doesn't lose his lunch at the mere thought of getting in a piece of plastic and bouncing around 35,000 feet above the blessed earth.
3. I only know of the existence of said week as a friend of mine was once so enthralled with fashion she had to give up the fashion section of the paper for lent.
4. Not unlike the girl I met recently who employed the intelligent tactic of running away at high speeds at the moment I directed speech in her direction. I'm not really exaggerating.


LRH said...

There was a woman that looked like a Conehead in the fashion week section of It was supposedly a stylish hat. I thought not.

Bruce said...

It's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read the 7-11 paragraph, or I might have snorted something down the wrong tube.