Sunday, July 4, 2010

bicycling

Some people drive, and some people use public transportation, but biking is the most efficient way to not get around town.

Whereas cars or public transit require you to spend money and emit carbon emissions to get to a point where the vehicle breaks down, when you're on a bicycle, you get to that point much sooner, and much more cheaply and environmentally friendly-ly.

Whereas cars have roadside assistance plans to bail you out, and public transit always has another unreliable bus or train to come get you, when you pop a tire on the other side of the Dumbarton Bridge, nine miles from home, and your spare tire promptly pops as well, you're on your own. You could have foreseen the possibility of said event happening and brought your cell phone along; though, after calling several friends to come pick you up, and getting answering machines for all of them, you might finally get ahold of one friend who is just exiting the gym, and is "really hungry", so could you please call someone else?

Bicycle tires enjoy popping. It's their favorite thing to do. You're at the farthest point of your ride? Pop. You're three miles away from work and it's about to rain? Pop. You're biking down the main drag of your college town, and a flat would require you to walk in shame as every single woman you have ever asked out in the past three years drives by in an exotic automobile? Pop.1

Luckily, however, bicycles don't require any gasoline, so you are spending less money than you would driving. You only have the weekly occurring cost of a flat tire due to the shards of glass that are considered streets in Redwood City ($6), the cost of a tune-up after lending your bike out ($80), and the cost of appearing like a sweaty fat dude every morning at work ($6,230).

Further benefits that accrue to you if you use a bike as your main form of transportation include getting honked at by a driver for having the audacity to use one of six lanes on an empty road.2 Though, in fairness, most drivers are quite decent.

If you're the adventurous type that enjoys meeting new challenges while wearing spandex, I highly recommend donning a bicycle. But not the spandex. Please, wear something loosely fitting. I beg.

1. That was a very long, very humbling walk.
2. A former roommate did the honking at one of my fellow bikers last night. I was shocked. Do you have any idea how jarring getting honked at while biking is? It's almost as jarring as being told "you just don't do it for me"...ummm, not that I would know...

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