Thursday, February 3, 2011

bing

Surprising the three people who have never looked at a Mac and PC side-by-side, Microsoft was accused of copying a competitor this week.

Of course, this time the competitor was Google, and this time Microsoft copied search results, because, as Bob Jones, Senior Microsoft Search Engineer, blogged, "most of us here just sit around on the pile of money the Windows and Office business spins off. We don't even know how to code. They mainly hired us to massage Steve Ballmer's fee...oh, that's my whistle. Gotta run."

They were discovered when Google engineers noticed Bing was returning screenshots of Google's results, photoshopped to look like the results screen and logo were not designed by a color-blind hippopotamus.

"We were able to catch them with their hands in the cookie jar," said Jimmy "Boy" Newton, Google Engineer, "by using a technique first pioneered by Winnie the Poo: the honeypot. We displayed fictional results for terms nobody would ever search for, like 'balanced news coverage', and 'I want to date a statistician', and 'larry king swimsuit pics', and within a half hour, we found Bing had replicated those results entirely, complete with those freaky ads that follow you wherever you go on the internet for days and get people who see your screen asking you awkward questio...oh, you guys did NOT just search for manzier on my laptop! That'll be ruined for a month!"

Eric Schmidt, Google's Chief I Just Made A Crapload of Money Doing Nothing Except Creeping People Out, made the accusations public by emailing journalists from their own personal gmail accounts, as well as commenting on their recent browsing history, asking them if they, "really should be doing those types of things online."

Incensed by the accusations, Steve Ballmer spent several minutes yelling at his army of orange-shaded yes men, before diving back into his cryogenic chamber.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Thank you for the first balanced article I've read about the situation.