Wednesday, June 8, 2011

dr. seuss

The primary reason to go to BYU is to have access to The Daily Universe, the student-run rameumptom of self righteousness newspaper. And the primary reason to read the Daily Universe is for the letters to the editor.

Nothing contributed more to my overall college satisfaction than kicking back and reading those delightful morsels every Tuesday and Thursday.

With this in mind, I present to you1 the best sequence of letters written to the editor, ever. Well, my writing isn't anything to brag about,2 but the responses are priceless.

Scott Albrecht was my roommate, and one of the best roommates a man could have. I have no idea who John Buffington is, but if anybody knows him, please tell him that I think he's the coolest person on the planet, even if I never did track him down to tell him. Seriously, the anagram bit is absolute genius.

Links as of this writing take you to the original articles.

Letters to the editor - November 30, 2004


I am writing to protest the general acceptance in our free loving society of the bastion of Communist propaganda that is "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." You would think that after decades of the Cold War and Mcarthyism we as a democratic people would have been able to purge the red elements of society, but alas, we have failed at the deepest level — the indoctrination of our children.

The Grinch is a Communist. He hates the established free market system, culture and religious holidays. He conspires to overthrow society. Building up to the climax, he steals all wealth from society. We are led to cheer for the Grinch when he redistributes all goods equally among the people, a pillar of Communist doctrine.

"The Grinch" also contains elements of cannibalism ("Who hash") and animal cruelty (the dog Max, the anglicized version of Marx, is forced to wear reindeer antlers).

I hope that we can band together and eradicate all influences of godless Communism from our peace-loving society by banning "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" from our airwaves and preventing further penetration of our homes and our children's minds.



Letters to the editor - December 2, 2004


Chris Perry on November 30 courageously exposed "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" for the evil communist propaganda that it is ["Red side of Seuss," Readers’ Forum]. I now feel the need to tell my story of the subliminal attacks I suffered at the hands of those innocent looking Who’s.

After watching the movie a few years back, instead of being filled with a desire to "Welcome Christmas," I instead wanted to forcibly overthrow the government. After overcoming this urge, I decided I needed to do some research into the film, and was startled by what I discovered, particularly in those final verses of song in which the giftless Who’s welcome in Christmas (causing the Grinch’s heart to grow three sizes).

The words best expressed as Wa-hoo Dor-e in our English alphabet are not nonsense in a fictitious Who language. They are found in a little known Indian dialect and mean "revolution’s day" or the day of revolution: "Welcome Christmas, (The day of Revolution)."

"As long we go hand in hand" the song then goes on to say, but when they say hand the first time, if the tape is watched in slow motion, an M-16 is flashed so quickly it cannot be detected by the conscious mind. In other words "Christmas day is here at last, as long as we go M-16 in hand." I made my most startling discovery, though, when I recorded the song and played it in reverse. The tune, played backwards, is nothing more than the Soviet National Anthem. I warn you, watch this film only at your own risk.


Bryan, Texas

Letters to the editor - December 7, 2004


I concur with the insightful sentiments expressed by Scott Albrecht in his letter of Dec. 2 regarding the concern expressed by Chris Perry on Nov. 30 ["Red side of Seuss" and "Subliminal side of Seuss," Readers' Forum"].

While I think this exposé has been done for the public good, it falls far short of the mark of what I would expect at a top-tier institution such as BYU.

While I am outraged at the progressive, income-redistributing nature of the Grinch, I can live with this fable, if only because it appeals to our baser elements for one, or at most, two months per year.

Of far worse impact on our daily lives is the insidious tale woven and--gasp--memorized by millions of our young; "Green Eggs and Ham".

The environmentalist bent of this tale is all too obvious in the title.

Those who refuse to accept the established orthodoxy are dismissed as cranks, or worse, as anti-earth.

"Try them! Try them! And you may.

Try them and you may, I say."

Is the stanza an attempt to mimic the Nazi maxim that a big lie if often repeated becomes truth? We are comforted to know that if we do bend our will, submit to public pressure, and partake of the green message, we too can discover that this is "so good, so good, you see".

Do you think it is a coincidence that "Green Eggs and Ham" is an anagram of "SHAM RED GENE GANG"; an obvious reference to the bogus collectivist groupthink relating to all things scientific (genetics or the environment?)

I would also point out that Dr. Seuss is an anagram for REDS 'S' US, which--although not grammatically correct (of course neither is Toys ‘R’ Us, one of many merchants who peddle this type of smut)-is a clear evidence of his true subversive nature.

Don’t even think about getting me started on the anti-establishment undertones found in "The Cat in the Hat".

I immediately propose burning all books by Dr Seuss et al.

John Buffington

Calgary, Alberta

1. And especially to my brother, who is spending some time down there this summer.
2. Not my finest work, but decent enough I suppose.


Michelle Glauser said...

Did The Daily Universe have an April Fools Edition? Oh my goodness, that was the issue I scoured during my time at the U. If only every day's paper were more like that.

Oh, and I think I found John Buffington. Maybe you should write him:

Marie said...

oh man, thank you! I just read the last 4 or 5 posts and laughed myself silly. especially the emotions. and how are our drugs? and reds s us. what a pick me up for a day that can be summed up thus: cleaned up four poopy little boy underwears.

Julie said...

I heard a great deal about this while visiting your apartment that first year but never had the chance to read them. Thanks for posting them!