Monday, June 27, 2011


Logic is an interesting subject. I have spent some time over the years studying mathematical logic. This allows me to be entertaining at dinner parties.

That is a nice perk, but I study logic for a different reason. On an exam years ago, I was asked to prove that one does not equal zero...and I got it wrong. Ever since then, I have been on a quest to prove to myself that I am not completely stupid.

I thought I was making progress. Then I had children. Let me tell you, it turns your whole world of logic upside down. The following are perfectly logical statements in the eyes of a three year old.

I'm sad because I'm sad!

We also had this nice exchange the other day: "Daddy, you're mean!" Why am I mean? "Because you are mean!"

The computer is on so I need to watch YouTube Sesame Street videos.

Beware: if the computer is turned on between 7 AM and 9 PM, it will be summarily commandeered. You may not check your email, and you may not pass Go.

My foot made very light contact with the couch / bed / chair / wall / door / crib / pillow. I need a Band-Aid!

Band-Aids have magical properties in our house.

Our country is $14 trillion in debt and we have huge fiscal holes we need to plug. Therefore, [let's cut taxes] OR [social security and medicare are untouchable] (choose one).

Okay, my three year old did not say this. But she could have.

I'm doing the potty dance but I do not need to go potty.

My three year old has way more important things to do, like watch The Backyardigans karaoke DVD and dance along, or ride around the apartment on her scooter in nothing but her underpants.

Eat three bites of [insert food that won't be eaten, i.e. just about anything] because you are three years old.

It never ceases to amaze me, but this works, and it works well.


Michelle Glauser said...

How about "I'm not tired, my head just keeps bobbing and my eyes are drooping like they're weighed down with anchors."

Aroura said...

How about "I'm excited because I'm running because I'm excited!"