Sunday, July 10, 2011

Wizardly Image Rehab

Dear Lord Voldemort1,

Let me congratulate your magical prowess. Word has it you have taken the wizarding world by storm. I must say I admire your talent.

Despite this, I feel I should tell you your reputation is less than stellar. I have read all seven books, and I just finished watching the first half of the Movie That Was Split In Two Not For Financial Reasons In Fact For Other Undisclosed Reasons But Definitely Not To Make More Money From This Franchise, and I must say I can see why. I think some small changes in your approach could do wonders for your public image.

Let me first tell you that many people I know refer to you as You-Know-Who. I think this shows a real weakness in your Voldemort brand. You should probably mount a marketing campaign and hire a PR consultant.

It was impossible to notice in the books and difficult to discern from the films, but it has become clear to me that you have bad breath. This is clear from the looks of your followers whenever you draw close. My wife has recommended Listerine to me with adequate results.

Finally, I do not wish to offend, but something must be done about your nose, or more to the point, your lack of nose. Any wizard worth their salt could make a better nose than you now have. Surely you can do something about it.

I do hope your upcoming final confrontation with Harry Potter turns out well. Most would agree that he is the heavy favorite, given how the books turn out, and I think it funny that even though we've all read the books, we still go to the movies, for what reason I don't know, so I think even a draw should give you much satisfaction. Best of luck next week, and I remain, as ever,

Your Faithful Advisor,

Jeremiah

1. I must confess, my wife caught me in church jotting notes down for this post, and I sorta kinda told her I was texting my mom, which was also true, and we all know texting in church is better than taking notes for blog posts.

1 comment:

Marie said...

ooh, watching #6 with us got you pumped up to watch the movie I told you was not worth watching? lousy #7 part 1.