Wednesday, December 7, 2011

store hours

One of the major downsides of living in a major American city is the proximity to a preponderance of stores that are open for business at all hours of the evening. This is problematic, because it means that you are able to purchase things when you actually need them.

In order to avoid this, I spend most of my time in Sleep Town USA, AKA Redwood City, CA, where Costco, the only store within five miles of my house that is not a taco truck or an abandoned liquor store, closes at six on Saturdays. This makes sense because six o'clock is the time most people1 start thinking about maybe putting together a list or something of things they might need to buy on the one day during the week they can actually run an errand. Closing at six makes their life so much easier and better and does not encourage the spewing of inappropriate language when they realize they are going to have to eat sawdust again the following morning.

Closing at six has the side benefit of ensuring Costco is never open when the checkout lines are less than six miles long.2

Another great benefit to living in Redwood City is trying to find an open gas station at night. That's right, gas stations close here people. Gas stations. Gas freaking stations. The one remaining bastion of a twenty-four hour capitalist state. You close the gas stations, and the terrorists win. And yet, I ask you to find a way to fill up your running-on-fumes car at 11:30 PM anywhere near my house.3 Good luck. Good freaking luck.

1. And by most people, I mean myself.
2. Costco membership: $55. Value of your time waiting for the thirty chumps in front of you to meander through their purchase: $412.
3. I passed by three closed stations before finally finding a charitable Chevron still open on the border of Menlo Park. Bless you Menlo Park. Bless you for being freaking red-blooded sleep-deprived Americans.

1 comment:

brittney said...

you know. if you stopped driving that truck up the city all the time... you wouldn't need to buy as much gas...

wait, worst idea ever.