things you should check for before entering the work bathroom and thinking to yourself "I am the smartest man alive!!" then realizing you didn't actually think that to yourself, you said it in an uncomfortably loud and very distinctly hearable voice

The presence of your coworkers in said bathroom.¹

1. In a panic, I checked all of the stalls, desperately thinking of a story I could tell that would make me not sound completely insane to be talking to myself in the bathroom. I considered adding an addendum of sorts so as to explain myself, but realized this would make things worse, as not only would I be talking to myself, I would be explaining to myself as well. Luckily, the coast was clear. I remain, however, the smartest man alive, eccentricities notwithstanding.