- Call it Frisco.
- Complain about your measly $200K mortgage.
- Don't be homeless.
- Indicate that Southern California is a nice place to live.
- Attempt to swim in the ocean.
- Don't pee on the street.
- Have kind feelings about Oakland, 880, or the East Bay in general.
- Wear shorts in July.
- Be surprised when you are verbally assaulted by a pack of Santa Claus Strippers.1
- Visit Alcatraz. Expect it to be something other than the most boring abandoned building in America.
- Be surprised when you see decriminalization of prostitution on the ballot.
- Attempt to park in North Beach.
1. This is a true story.