ways to identify yourself as a tourist in san francisco

1. Call it Frisco.
2. Complain about your measly $200K mortgage.
3. Don't be homeless.
4. Indicate that Southern California is a nice place to live.
5. Attempt to swim in the ocean.
6. Don't pee on the street.
7. Have kind feelings about Oakland, 880, or the East Bay in general.
8. Wear shorts in July.
9. Be surprised when you are verbally assaulted by a pack of Santa Claus Strippers.¹
10. Visit Alcatraz. Expect it to be something other than the most boring abandoned building in America.
11. Be surprised when you see decriminalization of prostitution on the ballot.
12. Attempt to park in North Beach.

1. This is a true story.