Wednesday, October 16, 2013

ways to induce rabid panic in an otherwise perfectly rational individual

Cause the bidet to malfunction and not respond to the Stop button.1

1. My life seriously flashed before my eyes. I had several nightmarish scenarios flashing through my head, and all of them resulted in me running crying out of that room with a fountain of toilet water sprayed up my backside. That would be bad enough, but since they have, according to my most conservative estimates, two hundred men on my floor, and if you assume all of them require five minutes apiece, the two bidets are in use for approximately eight hours twenty minutes of the day, which is also known as: the entire day, there's an almost certain chance this would have occurred in front of a couple queued up co-workers. We can all be thankful it eventually stopped, and I am only scarred for a few months, not life.