Thursday, September 4, 2014

pregnancy

Every pregnancy is exactly the same.

Knowing this, next time you meet a woman who is having a rough pregnancy, be sure to tell her what she is doing wrong. If she has spent every waking moment of her life sick in pain and misery, maybe tell her that she's not eating enough protein or carbs or fat. Surely in the constant waking hell she finds herself never would she have thought to change her diet on her own accord. Also, slyly intimate that she's eating too much sugar.

She also probably hasn't thought to try ginger as a remedy, never mind that she has been desperate for any sort of relief for months, and that it is the first thing recommended basically everywhere on the planet.

Pregnancy is also a great time to live it up before the kid comes and ruins your ability to go out at night. Sometimes living it up means eating a gourmet dinner of cereal as your wife chokes down the last food on earth she can bear eating, sometimes it means scouring Netflix for the eightieth time looking for something watchable while your wife moans in pain next to you, and other times it means coming up with fun games the two of you can play at home when you're not holding back her hair as she pukes.

3 comments:

brittney perry said...

But you always stood up for me :)

drfindley said...

You know you wouldn't have this problem if you just fixed global warming. It's so obvious, I'm surprised you missed it.

jamwt said...

Did you try ginger?